The Apprentice, it’s a great show. You always know what you’re going to get when you watch it, that being a bunch of smug and slightly stuck up half wits running around in suits, desperately trying to sell things so that they don’t get yelled at by a cockney father Christmas look-a-like. It really is exciting stuff. It’s a show full of bitching and back stabbing, idiotic comments uttered by self confessed smart people and quite frankly a lot of shouting. Top tip: Turn the volume down on your TV before watching as someone WILL shout and they WILL have the worlds most irritating voice. Trust me…But lets be honest the only reason people really watch The Apprentice is to hear Alan Sugar shout you’re fired, the rest is just there for comedic affect, I’m sure.
Of course the first episode is always the best, we get introduced to the enraptures. Which isn’t too dissimilar to watching The Muppet show, apart from the fact that the puppets are far more charming and likeable than these people. Yes, it’s a line up consisting of a guy who resembles to a Sontaran from Doctor Who, a woman with rather large hair and another woman who seems to be delusional. Producing a rather queer metaphor about being part machine, in a voice that sounds like that of a primary school teacher, slow with every word accentuated as if to say, do you comprehend dear viewers. In fact the whole 30 seconds of her being on screen left me uneasy and confused, is she crazy, does she teach primary school children, am I actually watching I Robot?
A shot of some heels coming out of a black cab can only mean one thing, the token ‘sexy one’. Yes it’s time to meet the girl who thinks she’s fitter than Samantha Brick, if that is even possible of course…I have to give this girl credit, she is ever so modest. She really doesn’t have enough confidence in herself, describing herself as having “more energy of a Duracell bunny, the sex appeal of Jessica Rabbit and a brain like Einstein.”. Such a shame, she really doesn’t have a high opinion of herself, at all. Already I hate her. Apart from having a really nasal voice, throughout the show she proves that she is a bossy moo too, who keeps banging on about how people thinks she’s a bimbo because she’s just so darn pretty. It’s a hard life for some isn’t it.
The glossy introduction has only been on two minutes seems more like five and I’m already contemplating turning over to watch a re-run of Midsomer Murders. The only thing that keeps me watching is knowing that Lord Sugar will yell something mean at one of these morons and eventually tell them to ‘do one’, basically. All in all, the show wasn’t any different to any other series of The Apprentice. It has recycled all the same characters, they still have to try and sell things, there are no dancing dogs and you still want to punch every last one of them in the face after watching. That is if Alan hasn’t got there first.
CAN'T KEEP UP WITH CULTURE 